"It's nice to be included in people's fantasies, but you also like to be accepted for your own sake" - Marilyn Monroe 1962

To be included into people's fantasies is to play a character in their story, or  a story they have decided to read for themselves. You aren't a real person to them, but a figment of the imagination, an idol to be admired, a villain to despise, or a lesson to learn. We are all part of somebody's fantasy most of the time, and it isn't such a bad fate. We are always worried about our individuality, our personal identities, and how we wish to be understood as an individual and special person, but it is also true that we often play roles instead of characters. How many of our interactions throughout the day are automatic, are already set-pieces where we pretend to be a satisfied customer, a patient mother, or a tough brother? As human beings in society we put on masks all the time, in order to save time. We don't have the energy or the capability to interact  with every person we meet in a way which reinforces our individuality, which shows them who we are, and which is unique and different enough to be noticed and remembered. Instead, we  work toward efficiency by taking our place as a cog in a machine, or we dampen down on our reactions because we want to be polite. 

Shakespeare once said that "all the world's a stage, and us only players", and Emerson once said that everywhere he went he saw "a good piece of a man, a hardy foot and a strong chin, but hardly ever a whole man". As people in society, we have roles to play in the family, jobs to do at work, and statuses to uphold. Why are t-shirts so popular? Because they allow us to express our individuality by choosing what picture the shirt has, and what color it is. Deciding to wear a fancy dress or some biking leathers isn't just a practical activity - it's also a fashion statement. What do you present as, male or female? What stickers do you put on your car, a cross, an inspirational method, a joke, anime characters? Some of us are artists, but for most of us our first expression of our individuality came out in our choices, our choices of mass-produced fashion and our choices of other people's characters. We see depth in these characters, feel a strong meaning in religious symbols or in our favorite inspirational quotes. It is nice to be included in people's fantasies because this too is validation of who we are and what we do - this is us being worthy of being remembered, worthy of becoming a part of the grander scape of humanity. It is not to be despised, not to be feared - after all, it is a complement, to be wanted and thought of, to be admired or hated, to be pulled out of the crowd and put into a fantasy which calls out to people. Sure they lose sight of the individual that we are and try to make us conform to their expectations, but really that's not different from what goes on for most of our lives, just on a different scale. 

People see a pretty dame, a handsome man, a troglodyte, an athlete, a stereotypical accent, a way of dress, a tattoo or a weight class, and they assume things about us. They tell us what they think we can do, and it is on the whole easier to become something if you already look like or fit the stereotype of what that thing is expected to be, because people will try to place you in that position. Sometimes we react to this pressure by acquiescing, by choosing to become the stereotype, with just enough of your individuality to keep our own identity but for the most part playing a bit part. Sometimes we react by rejecting the role we are being pushed into entirely, or we react by choosing to become another stereotype that is not chosen for us. We seek identity, and often that identity involves us fitting into a position or playing a role, becoming a nerd, a band member, a card player, a football  fan, or some other thing - we try to fit in. After all, it is nice to be included as 'one of the gang'. It feels safe and affirming. 

On the other hand, we also feel that it is important that we have that individual identity of our own. For all the fact that we seek to be one of the group, we also feel the need to stand out as an individual within that group. We might be 'the funny one', 'the sensitive one', or 'the angry one' in our group of friends. We might be someone who is creative, or who is known to be a star wars fan. We want to be safe in our burrow among the clan, but we also want to stand tall among the veldt, and climb tall trees. We like beautiful things, and are drawn to flame. 

It can be a terrifying feeling when someone sees you, when someone notices you out of the crowd. To be pulled aside from the crowd for one moment and told that you are special, that you are different, that you are admired, is something which we hope for and fear for. So many people try to use this joy we experience at such an event to con us into doing something, to take from us or to control us. Others are genuine in their admiration, but connect with us through empathy, because they feel that we are like them, that we might be able to understand them. Rare indeed are we actually accepted for our own sake, and not for the position that we stand in relevant to some person or ideal. It is nice to be so, but it is also terrifying, because we might be able to find out who we are and what we can do without any constraints or guiding force. We immediately start to receive pushback whenever we exert our individuality, and we find that what we want to achieve is much harder than we thought it would be. It is not easy to be a star - You've got to work for it. Otherwise, you simply fall back into being one of the crowd, one of the muck, and are forgotten a year, a decade, a century hence. 

Not all of us want to be stars, or need to stand on top of something. Most of us are quite happy to live out our lives as a little person, as minor characters, as one of the gang who follows the latest fad or appreciates the newest television show. We identify with a sports team, feel satisfied with our duties as a father, or find pride in being part of the community of our hobbies. At the same time, we clip out some article in the newspaper which mentions our name, or we fall in love with that special someone who appreciates us for who we are. It is nice to be included in someone's fantasies, and to be accepted for our own sake, because both validate us but in different ways. To be used as part of a fantasy tells us that part of us, what we do, and what we say, is worthy of remembrance. It is OK to be a part of the community. To be accepted for ourselves let's us know that who we are, what we care about, and what we alone can do, are all worthy. It is OK to be ourselves.